I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
