worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Randomize
