It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
