she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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