Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
