explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
