Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I cut my penus on the lid.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I fill condoms, not promises.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
