Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
