Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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