By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
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so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
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She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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