in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
