Screwed.edu
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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