Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
