i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
