I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
home. puking in laundry basket.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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