I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
