i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
