i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
