did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
