I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
