So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The uberlube is also flammable
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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