If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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