now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She bit a glass in half.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
