there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
