With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
