haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
