What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
