just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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