Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
