Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
