As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
