I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
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A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
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I think I swiped left on my soulmate
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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