i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
