dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
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It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
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She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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