I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
