at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
