I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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