New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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