I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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