i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
