Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
