The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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