I hope mine doesn't look like that
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
