I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
