I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
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Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
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I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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