sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
