You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
