how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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