just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
