I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
