I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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