Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
