never play flip cup with pint glasses
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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