My sheets look like a crime scene.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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