He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
