you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
