i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
