Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
