Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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