I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize