My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
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I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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