I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
