lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
