please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
