I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
